He did it! My wonderful other half handed in his notice on Monday, and as he didn't need to work his notice, left immediately. It was definitely the right decision. It was no longer the right place or job for him. He seems a lot less sad, although I can tell that he's now worrying about other things - whether he'll find a new job, money, sorting things out (he needs a new phone as his previous one was provided by work), and he feels guilty that I'm out working when he's at home. Personally, I am happier now that he has left his job. I am happy that he is out of there and not worrying and stressing about work anymore. It is much better for him. If necessary, I would carry on how things are at the moment for quite a while. As much as I'd love to be a housewife, as things stand, I'd be happy for him to be a househusband! I think he will get fed up of being at home after a while, and he will definitely worry about the money - so I think a new job will be on the cards soon. That's fine by me as well, as the extra money wouldn't hurt, especially since we love going on holiday!
The other benefit that this change has had is that I talk about work less at home, and I'm therefore able to switch off more easily. I don't want to talk about it in front of him really, as I don't want to make him feel down or guilty, and it does mean that I think about it less myself as a result. That is definitely a good thing, as it's very very busy and a bit stressful at the moment. I don't feel too bad though...
I hadn't really been doing too much of my own thing recently, as I'd been trying to be in to be with my other half and make him feel better, but I've managed to do more this week. I went to my choir practice on Monday, and managed a swim on Tuesday evening and this evening, and plan to go to a friend's for wine tomorrow. It's nice getting used to a new normal.
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Thursday, 22 January 2015
Sunday, 18 January 2015
Making a big change
Last week (as usual) ended up being a complete mixed bag, which resulted in a decision to make a big change.
I was feeling quite low last Wednesday, but managed to pull myself out of the funk. I went to a dance class which probably helped. However, on Thursday my lovely other half was very, very low. He was down to the point of almost crying. As he has done so many times, he contemplated handing in his notice. He hadn't had an awful day, but there were a few things that seemed to just push him over the edge. We got up and although he was feeling awful, we headed to work, with him saying on the way that he would hand in his notice on Monday. He had already decided the week before to do this, but then he'd had an okay day at work and decided to hang around a bit longer.
On our way home from work on Friday, I wasn't sure what to expect. I figured that like the week before, there was a good chance that he'd had an okay day and chosen to stay put for now. Unfortunately (or fortunately?) he was still feeling incredibly low. We had a really good talk on Friday evening, and he made the decision to hand in his notice tomorrow. The turning point for me was the fact that his day at work on Friday had, in fact, been perfectly fine, but he still felt awful. To me, this signifies that the job is really not for him, and that he needs additional help. We wrote the letter he will take tomorrow, so now it just needs printing out. I think it's the right decision, as I have watched him slip further and further down into a deep sadness, and I think this is a step back up. I don't expect things to suddenly improve drastically, but it should be a small (big?) step in the right direction. In addition, his counselling referral details have come through, so we need to call them this week. I really just hope that the two things combined will put him on the right path for him, and make him happier.
My poor, wonderful other half is, of course, worried that he won't be earning and that it will be unfair on me. The way I see it is that the happier he is, the happier I am. He's worried about what other people will think of him, and he does not like quitting. I have pointed out to him that it's not quitting, it's choosing to leave. It's not that he can't do the work/cope in this company, it's a decision that he no longer wants to do it.
I have to say, that I don't know if I want to stay in my job, but I'm staying put for now. I wasn't sad that I didn't get an interview for the job I applied for (well, a little in that I don't like not doing well, but I wasn't sad I wouldn't get to leave my job). My main priority is sticking it out for a bit, as I do love my colleagues and some days I even feel like I've had a good day, and making sure my other half starts becoming happier. Maybe once he has found a new job and is settled, I'll think about looking.
It is definitely going to be a big change. For almost four and half years, we have worked together, and that's about to come to an end. In some ways it will be sad, but I really think it is the right decision.
I am trying to manage my stress by not working early or late, and by just highlighting to my colleagues when I'm not getting through work. It's a lot easier to do that now than it was a year ago. So far so good, I haven't had early starts or late finishes since Christmas, so I think I've made progress.
In completely different news, my stomach has been much better since I more or less gave up gluten. The really big news though (and I've no idea if this is in any way related to me giving up gluten, probably not), is that I've had my first natural period in over twelve years. It was such a momentous occasion I had to tell my friend at work. A little TMI maybe, but it was exciting. I don't want children at the moment, but I now feel like I might have a chance at having them in the future if we decide we want them. Funnily enough, my period arrived just after I'd made an appointment to go to the doctors to talk about the pill (I 'accidentally' came off it a few months ago, when I ran out without realising). Having had no periods for three years though when was 19-21, this is huge news, so we'll have to see what the doctor says this week.
It's going to be a hell of a week.
I was feeling quite low last Wednesday, but managed to pull myself out of the funk. I went to a dance class which probably helped. However, on Thursday my lovely other half was very, very low. He was down to the point of almost crying. As he has done so many times, he contemplated handing in his notice. He hadn't had an awful day, but there were a few things that seemed to just push him over the edge. We got up and although he was feeling awful, we headed to work, with him saying on the way that he would hand in his notice on Monday. He had already decided the week before to do this, but then he'd had an okay day at work and decided to hang around a bit longer.
On our way home from work on Friday, I wasn't sure what to expect. I figured that like the week before, there was a good chance that he'd had an okay day and chosen to stay put for now. Unfortunately (or fortunately?) he was still feeling incredibly low. We had a really good talk on Friday evening, and he made the decision to hand in his notice tomorrow. The turning point for me was the fact that his day at work on Friday had, in fact, been perfectly fine, but he still felt awful. To me, this signifies that the job is really not for him, and that he needs additional help. We wrote the letter he will take tomorrow, so now it just needs printing out. I think it's the right decision, as I have watched him slip further and further down into a deep sadness, and I think this is a step back up. I don't expect things to suddenly improve drastically, but it should be a small (big?) step in the right direction. In addition, his counselling referral details have come through, so we need to call them this week. I really just hope that the two things combined will put him on the right path for him, and make him happier.
My poor, wonderful other half is, of course, worried that he won't be earning and that it will be unfair on me. The way I see it is that the happier he is, the happier I am. He's worried about what other people will think of him, and he does not like quitting. I have pointed out to him that it's not quitting, it's choosing to leave. It's not that he can't do the work/cope in this company, it's a decision that he no longer wants to do it.
I have to say, that I don't know if I want to stay in my job, but I'm staying put for now. I wasn't sad that I didn't get an interview for the job I applied for (well, a little in that I don't like not doing well, but I wasn't sad I wouldn't get to leave my job). My main priority is sticking it out for a bit, as I do love my colleagues and some days I even feel like I've had a good day, and making sure my other half starts becoming happier. Maybe once he has found a new job and is settled, I'll think about looking.
It is definitely going to be a big change. For almost four and half years, we have worked together, and that's about to come to an end. In some ways it will be sad, but I really think it is the right decision.
I am trying to manage my stress by not working early or late, and by just highlighting to my colleagues when I'm not getting through work. It's a lot easier to do that now than it was a year ago. So far so good, I haven't had early starts or late finishes since Christmas, so I think I've made progress.
In completely different news, my stomach has been much better since I more or less gave up gluten. The really big news though (and I've no idea if this is in any way related to me giving up gluten, probably not), is that I've had my first natural period in over twelve years. It was such a momentous occasion I had to tell my friend at work. A little TMI maybe, but it was exciting. I don't want children at the moment, but I now feel like I might have a chance at having them in the future if we decide we want them. Funnily enough, my period arrived just after I'd made an appointment to go to the doctors to talk about the pill (I 'accidentally' came off it a few months ago, when I ran out without realising). Having had no periods for three years though when was 19-21, this is huge news, so we'll have to see what the doctor says this week.
It's going to be a hell of a week.
Tuesday, 6 January 2015
Back to work
Sunday was definitely not a good day for my lovely other half. He was depressed and feeling very low. When I suggested going to the doctors, he didn't protest at all. It was so hard to see him like that. I am doing my best to keep floating, but it's very difficult at times. I was finding it tough to stay positive myself, so I felt like my other half's sadness just pushed me back under. However, I have been okay. I dragged my other half out for a walk and some fresh air, which I think helped a little, as he was okay enough for me to take a little time out to go swimming. That really helped me and relaxed me a bit.
Yesterday was the dreaded return to work, which was of course okay in the end. My lovely other half felt a bit better having gone back and found it to be not as bad as anticipated. The anticipation is usually far worse than the reality of it. That said, it is incredibly stressful and pressurised, so it's not always pleasant being there (we work at the same place, I'm not sure whether I've said that).
Today was not as good as yesterday, and we were both feeling a bit meh at the end of the day. We went to the doctors today for my other half's depression (side note: I was very impressed that I called yesterday morning and got an appointment after office hours today already). He's going to be referred for counselling, which is a good step. It's my OH's birthday today (poor guy having to go to the doctors on his birthday), so we went to ASDA after and bought a film and then ordered a takeaway as a treat. The result is a slightly improved mood, but also an increased resolve to find a new job. In a way, I think that's a good thing.
Tomorrow is another day. I've signed up for a Zumba class tomorrow, so I'm looking forward to letting off some steam there and working up a sweat. After that I have to make a video for a job application. In a weird way, I'm kind of looking forward to it.
Yesterday was the dreaded return to work, which was of course okay in the end. My lovely other half felt a bit better having gone back and found it to be not as bad as anticipated. The anticipation is usually far worse than the reality of it. That said, it is incredibly stressful and pressurised, so it's not always pleasant being there (we work at the same place, I'm not sure whether I've said that).
Today was not as good as yesterday, and we were both feeling a bit meh at the end of the day. We went to the doctors today for my other half's depression (side note: I was very impressed that I called yesterday morning and got an appointment after office hours today already). He's going to be referred for counselling, which is a good step. It's my OH's birthday today (poor guy having to go to the doctors on his birthday), so we went to ASDA after and bought a film and then ordered a takeaway as a treat. The result is a slightly improved mood, but also an increased resolve to find a new job. In a way, I think that's a good thing.
Tomorrow is another day. I've signed up for a Zumba class tomorrow, so I'm looking forward to letting off some steam there and working up a sweat. After that I have to make a video for a job application. In a weird way, I'm kind of looking forward to it.
Monday, 10 November 2014
Back to reality
Our wonderful break is almost over - we arrived back home today. This afternoon has been spent getting stuff done - unpacking, washing, food shopping, student loan calls (don't ask)... Yesterday and this morning I was feeling pretty down. I think it's an end-of-holiday feeling. My parents always used to call it 'school-itis' at the end of the school holidays! I just don't want to go back, and yet I know that once I'm there it will probably be fine, albeit busy.
On the plus side, I do feel a bit better now. Starting like I mean to go on, I went swimming this afternoon and managed a whole kilometre, so I'm feeling pretty proud of myself, not to mention feeling good due to the exercise itself as well. Once I'd showered and dressed I wandered past a mirror, and I just looked so healthy - relatively clear skin, a good colour from doing some exercise, hair that actually looks pretty decent right now, and a generally okay body. In a weird way, it felt good to feel good about all of that, having had issues with pretty much all of those things! I suffered from acne when I was younger and it didn't really get much better until my early twenties, I'm very pale, etc etc. If nothing else, I am learning to accept and appreciate my body. Now I just need to learn to appreciate my mind a bit too!
Feeling down and sad is horrible. I don't know how to describe it, other than like being at the bottom of a pit that you don't know how to climb out of. I'm lucky, in that my spells like that don't usually last more than a day or two. It has been worse recently, but never completely horrendous. However, I do have second hand experience of what it's like when it does go on longer, and it's awful. It really scares me that given how stressed and down I do sometimes feel, I could potentially slide downwards and feel like I will never be able to get out of it. The feelings definitely do relate to work, but I'm not sure that they're specific to my job - I think they stem more from my lack of confidence, my tendency to worry about everything, and my inability to detach work and home life. I'm going to work on all three, but concentrate on trying to restore my confidence for the moment. One of the first things I'm going to do is spend time with my best friends. I definitely don't plan to moan to them or sit with a negative attitude, but more to pick their brains to find out what they think I'm good at, what they think I'm suited to doing and how they'd recommend improving my confidence. As they know me best, hopefully it's a good place to start!
Friday, 7 November 2014
Any chance of a weekend off?
My weekends seem to be constantly filled with things. It's amazing being busy and seeing friends, but it also leaves me wondering when I'm going to get things done - for example making the Christmas cake, doing Christmas shopping, cleaning the house - not to mention all of the boring chores that just need doing. It would also be nice to spend some quality time with my other half (although we've done quite well with that this week).
Sometimes, though, it's worth being busy. I'm currently making potential plans go to London to visit a friend who will be over from the States. She is suffering from depression at the moment, and has jumped at the chance to stay in a friend's flat in London for a while and cat-sit, which is brilliant. A few of us are trying to get there to visit as well, hopefully to help her start to feel better, but at the very least so that she knows we are there for her. Part of me is thinking that I don't really have the time or the money to do this, but I think her need is greater. It will just mean that I need to be very good at planning, and strategically use the couple of days that I can still take off work so that I can do things like Christmas shopping during that time.
I will definitely have to be careful if I'm going to do this. Knowing that there are a lot of things that I need/want to get done, there is a good chance that I will end up stressing a lot about when I'm going to be able to do them. If/when I book my train tickets, I am going to have to make a solid plan and ensure that I stick to it. It's not going to be easy. However, sometimes our own problems need to be set aside for a time so that all of our care and attention can be focussed on someone that really needs it.
Sometimes, though, it's worth being busy. I'm currently making potential plans go to London to visit a friend who will be over from the States. She is suffering from depression at the moment, and has jumped at the chance to stay in a friend's flat in London for a while and cat-sit, which is brilliant. A few of us are trying to get there to visit as well, hopefully to help her start to feel better, but at the very least so that she knows we are there for her. Part of me is thinking that I don't really have the time or the money to do this, but I think her need is greater. It will just mean that I need to be very good at planning, and strategically use the couple of days that I can still take off work so that I can do things like Christmas shopping during that time.
I will definitely have to be careful if I'm going to do this. Knowing that there are a lot of things that I need/want to get done, there is a good chance that I will end up stressing a lot about when I'm going to be able to do them. If/when I book my train tickets, I am going to have to make a solid plan and ensure that I stick to it. It's not going to be easy. However, sometimes our own problems need to be set aside for a time so that all of our care and attention can be focussed on someone that really needs it.
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