Making a big change

Last week (as usual) ended up being a complete mixed bag, which resulted in a decision to make a big change.

I was feeling quite low last Wednesday, but managed to pull myself out of the funk. I went to a dance class which probably helped. However, on Thursday my lovely other half was very, very low. He was down to the point of almost crying. As he has done so many times, he contemplated handing in his notice. He hadn't had an awful day, but there were a few things that seemed to just push him over the edge. We got up and although he was feeling awful, we headed to work, with him saying on the way that he would hand in his notice on Monday. He had already decided the week before to do this, but then he'd had an okay day at work and decided to hang around a bit longer.

On our way home from work on Friday, I wasn't sure what to expect. I figured that like the week before, there was a good chance that he'd had an okay day and chosen to stay put for now. Unfortunately (or fortunately?) he was still feeling incredibly low. We had a really good talk on Friday evening, and he made the decision to hand in his notice tomorrow. The turning point for me was the fact that his day at work on Friday had, in fact, been perfectly fine, but he still felt awful. To me, this signifies that the job is really not for him, and that he needs additional help. We wrote the letter he will take tomorrow, so now it just needs printing out. I think it's the right decision, as I have watched him slip further and further down into a deep sadness, and I think this is a step back up. I don't expect things to suddenly improve drastically, but it should be a small (big?) step in the right direction. In addition, his counselling referral details have come through, so we need to call them this week. I really just hope that the two things combined will put him on the right path for him, and make him happier.

My poor, wonderful other half is, of course, worried that he won't be earning and that it will be unfair on me. The way I see it is that the happier he is, the happier I am. He's worried about what other people will think of him, and he does not like quitting. I have pointed out to him that it's not quitting, it's choosing to leave. It's not that he can't do the work/cope in this company, it's a decision that he no longer wants to do it.

I have to say, that I don't know if I want to stay in my job, but I'm staying put for now. I wasn't sad that I didn't get an interview for the job I applied for (well, a little in that I don't like not doing well, but I wasn't sad I wouldn't get to leave my job). My main priority is sticking it out for a bit, as I do love my colleagues and some days I even feel like I've had a good day, and making sure my other half starts becoming happier. Maybe once he has found a new job and is settled, I'll think about looking.

It is definitely going to be a big change. For almost four and half years, we have worked together, and that's about to come to an end. In some ways it will be sad, but I really think it is the right decision.

I am trying to manage my stress by not working early or late, and by just highlighting to my colleagues when I'm not getting through work. It's a lot easier to do that now than it was a year ago. So far so good, I haven't had early starts or late finishes since Christmas, so I think I've made progress.

In completely different news, my stomach has been much better since I more or less gave up gluten. The really big news though (and I've no idea if this is in any way related to me giving up gluten, probably not), is that I've had my first natural period in over twelve years. It was such a momentous occasion I had to tell my friend at work. A little TMI maybe, but it was exciting. I don't want children at the moment, but I now feel like I might have a chance at having them in the future if we decide we want them. Funnily enough, my period arrived just after I'd made an appointment to go to the doctors to talk about the pill (I 'accidentally' came off it a few months ago, when I ran out without realising). Having had no periods for three years though when was 19-21, this is huge news, so we'll have to see what the doctor says this week.

It's going to be a hell of a week.

Carrying on...

Last week kind of improved as it went on. I'm not sure whether it got better, or whether we just felt like the weekend was nearly here! In any case, it wasn't so bad by the end, and my other half's levels of sadness never quite reached the rock bottom levels of last Sunday again. We are waiting for the counselling referral from the doctor for him, and until then just taking each day as it comes, one at a time.

I applied for the job that I liked the look of. Interviews are supposed to be next Monday, so I should know this week whether I've got that far. I'm hoping I hear soon, as I will need to book the day off if I'm going to go. I really hope I at least get an interview - I need hope that I can do something else. In general, I've been feeling okay - at times even like I want to stay in my current job. I really enjoy being with my colleagues. However, today really put an end to that. Nothing bad happened, but I don't enjoy the work and it is sucking out my soul! I need to move on, so after this week I'll be searching for and applying for other jobs. If it turns out it's impractical to go to interviews whilst working, I may get to the point where I just hand in my notice.

It's hard to know what's best.

Back to work

Sunday was definitely not a good day for my lovely other half. He was depressed and feeling very low. When I suggested going to the doctors, he didn't protest at all. It was so hard to see him like that. I am doing my best to keep floating, but it's very difficult at times. I was finding it tough to stay positive myself, so I felt like my other half's sadness just pushed me back under. However, I have been okay. I dragged my other half out for a walk and some fresh air, which I think helped a little, as he was okay enough for me to take a little time out to go swimming. That really helped me and relaxed me a bit.

Yesterday was the dreaded return to work, which was of course okay in the end. My lovely other half felt a bit better having gone back and found it to be not as bad as anticipated. The anticipation is usually far worse than the reality of it. That said, it is incredibly stressful and pressurised, so it's not always pleasant being there (we work at the same place, I'm not sure whether I've said that).
Today was not as good as yesterday, and we were both feeling a bit meh at the end of the day. We went to the doctors today for my other half's depression (side note: I was very impressed that I called yesterday morning and got an appointment after office hours today already). He's going to be referred for counselling, which is a good step. It's my OH's birthday today (poor guy having to go to the doctors on his birthday), so we went to ASDA after and bought a film and then ordered a takeaway as a treat. The result is a slightly improved mood, but also an increased resolve to find a new job. In a way, I think that's a good thing.

Tomorrow is another day. I've signed up for a Zumba class tomorrow, so I'm looking forward to letting off some steam there and working up a sweat. After that I have to make a video for a job application. In a weird way, I'm kind of looking forward to it.

Sunday Night Blues

Weekends always seem to fly by far too quickly. Somehow before you know it, it's Sunday evening again! To be honest, work days go pretty fast as well, but weekends especially just disappear. I also usually seem to have plans, and so being busy does make the time just slip right by before your eyes.

When weekends go so fast and you don't want to go back to work (whether that's because you hate it or just because free time is so much more enjoyable), Sunday night blues can be a common occurrence. In reality, for me at least, work is rarely as bad as my anticipation and anxiety fears, so the Sunday night blues really aren't justified. However, they still put in an appearance, so the aim of the game is to banish them as far as possible.

The best way I have found to achieve this is to do something. That means a little planning is required, so that there's no sitting around and not deciding what to do. For us, our plan in the autumn/winter is NFL. We usually settle down to watch NFL for the evening, have some snack food that feels a little like a treat, and spend time together. Whilst we are 'just' watching TV, which is something I wouldn't necessarily recommend for taking your mind off work, we're watching something that we can become emotionally invested in. Not least because we both have fantasy teams so we keep an eye on those.

Other suggestions would be watching a DVD (and concentrating, not doing something else at the same time), playing a board game, going to the cinema, having friends round for games and nibbles, working on a craft project... basically doing something that you concentrate on completely, and that is enjoyable. That way, there's no room left for the Sunday night blues and hopefully you'll be in a good mood as you've been doing something fun. Furthermore, it hopefully results in being nicely relaxed, leading to a good night's sleep and therefore a fresh and positive start to the week. At the very least, it's something to aspire to and work towards!