He did it! My wonderful other half handed in his notice on Monday, and as he didn't need to work his notice, left immediately. It was definitely the right decision. It was no longer the right place or job for him. He seems a lot less sad, although I can tell that he's now worrying about other things - whether he'll find a new job, money, sorting things out (he needs a new phone as his previous one was provided by work), and he feels guilty that I'm out working when he's at home. Personally, I am happier now that he has left his job. I am happy that he is out of there and not worrying and stressing about work anymore. It is much better for him. If necessary, I would carry on how things are at the moment for quite a while. As much as I'd love to be a housewife, as things stand, I'd be happy for him to be a househusband! I think he will get fed up of being at home after a while, and he will definitely worry about the money - so I think a new job will be on the cards soon. That's fine by me as well, as the extra money wouldn't hurt, especially since we love going on holiday!
The other benefit that this change has had is that I talk about work less at home, and I'm therefore able to switch off more easily. I don't want to talk about it in front of him really, as I don't want to make him feel down or guilty, and it does mean that I think about it less myself as a result. That is definitely a good thing, as it's very very busy and a bit stressful at the moment. I don't feel too bad though...
I hadn't really been doing too much of my own thing recently, as I'd been trying to be in to be with my other half and make him feel better, but I've managed to do more this week. I went to my choir practice on Monday, and managed a swim on Tuesday evening and this evening, and plan to go to a friend's for wine tomorrow. It's nice getting used to a new normal.
Thursday 22 January 2015
Sunday 18 January 2015
Making a big change
Last week (as usual) ended up being a complete mixed bag, which resulted in a decision to make a big change.
I was feeling quite low last Wednesday, but managed to pull myself out of the funk. I went to a dance class which probably helped. However, on Thursday my lovely other half was very, very low. He was down to the point of almost crying. As he has done so many times, he contemplated handing in his notice. He hadn't had an awful day, but there were a few things that seemed to just push him over the edge. We got up and although he was feeling awful, we headed to work, with him saying on the way that he would hand in his notice on Monday. He had already decided the week before to do this, but then he'd had an okay day at work and decided to hang around a bit longer.
On our way home from work on Friday, I wasn't sure what to expect. I figured that like the week before, there was a good chance that he'd had an okay day and chosen to stay put for now. Unfortunately (or fortunately?) he was still feeling incredibly low. We had a really good talk on Friday evening, and he made the decision to hand in his notice tomorrow. The turning point for me was the fact that his day at work on Friday had, in fact, been perfectly fine, but he still felt awful. To me, this signifies that the job is really not for him, and that he needs additional help. We wrote the letter he will take tomorrow, so now it just needs printing out. I think it's the right decision, as I have watched him slip further and further down into a deep sadness, and I think this is a step back up. I don't expect things to suddenly improve drastically, but it should be a small (big?) step in the right direction. In addition, his counselling referral details have come through, so we need to call them this week. I really just hope that the two things combined will put him on the right path for him, and make him happier.
My poor, wonderful other half is, of course, worried that he won't be earning and that it will be unfair on me. The way I see it is that the happier he is, the happier I am. He's worried about what other people will think of him, and he does not like quitting. I have pointed out to him that it's not quitting, it's choosing to leave. It's not that he can't do the work/cope in this company, it's a decision that he no longer wants to do it.
I have to say, that I don't know if I want to stay in my job, but I'm staying put for now. I wasn't sad that I didn't get an interview for the job I applied for (well, a little in that I don't like not doing well, but I wasn't sad I wouldn't get to leave my job). My main priority is sticking it out for a bit, as I do love my colleagues and some days I even feel like I've had a good day, and making sure my other half starts becoming happier. Maybe once he has found a new job and is settled, I'll think about looking.
It is definitely going to be a big change. For almost four and half years, we have worked together, and that's about to come to an end. In some ways it will be sad, but I really think it is the right decision.
I am trying to manage my stress by not working early or late, and by just highlighting to my colleagues when I'm not getting through work. It's a lot easier to do that now than it was a year ago. So far so good, I haven't had early starts or late finishes since Christmas, so I think I've made progress.
In completely different news, my stomach has been much better since I more or less gave up gluten. The really big news though (and I've no idea if this is in any way related to me giving up gluten, probably not), is that I've had my first natural period in over twelve years. It was such a momentous occasion I had to tell my friend at work. A little TMI maybe, but it was exciting. I don't want children at the moment, but I now feel like I might have a chance at having them in the future if we decide we want them. Funnily enough, my period arrived just after I'd made an appointment to go to the doctors to talk about the pill (I 'accidentally' came off it a few months ago, when I ran out without realising). Having had no periods for three years though when was 19-21, this is huge news, so we'll have to see what the doctor says this week.
It's going to be a hell of a week.
I was feeling quite low last Wednesday, but managed to pull myself out of the funk. I went to a dance class which probably helped. However, on Thursday my lovely other half was very, very low. He was down to the point of almost crying. As he has done so many times, he contemplated handing in his notice. He hadn't had an awful day, but there were a few things that seemed to just push him over the edge. We got up and although he was feeling awful, we headed to work, with him saying on the way that he would hand in his notice on Monday. He had already decided the week before to do this, but then he'd had an okay day at work and decided to hang around a bit longer.
On our way home from work on Friday, I wasn't sure what to expect. I figured that like the week before, there was a good chance that he'd had an okay day and chosen to stay put for now. Unfortunately (or fortunately?) he was still feeling incredibly low. We had a really good talk on Friday evening, and he made the decision to hand in his notice tomorrow. The turning point for me was the fact that his day at work on Friday had, in fact, been perfectly fine, but he still felt awful. To me, this signifies that the job is really not for him, and that he needs additional help. We wrote the letter he will take tomorrow, so now it just needs printing out. I think it's the right decision, as I have watched him slip further and further down into a deep sadness, and I think this is a step back up. I don't expect things to suddenly improve drastically, but it should be a small (big?) step in the right direction. In addition, his counselling referral details have come through, so we need to call them this week. I really just hope that the two things combined will put him on the right path for him, and make him happier.
My poor, wonderful other half is, of course, worried that he won't be earning and that it will be unfair on me. The way I see it is that the happier he is, the happier I am. He's worried about what other people will think of him, and he does not like quitting. I have pointed out to him that it's not quitting, it's choosing to leave. It's not that he can't do the work/cope in this company, it's a decision that he no longer wants to do it.
I have to say, that I don't know if I want to stay in my job, but I'm staying put for now. I wasn't sad that I didn't get an interview for the job I applied for (well, a little in that I don't like not doing well, but I wasn't sad I wouldn't get to leave my job). My main priority is sticking it out for a bit, as I do love my colleagues and some days I even feel like I've had a good day, and making sure my other half starts becoming happier. Maybe once he has found a new job and is settled, I'll think about looking.
It is definitely going to be a big change. For almost four and half years, we have worked together, and that's about to come to an end. In some ways it will be sad, but I really think it is the right decision.
I am trying to manage my stress by not working early or late, and by just highlighting to my colleagues when I'm not getting through work. It's a lot easier to do that now than it was a year ago. So far so good, I haven't had early starts or late finishes since Christmas, so I think I've made progress.
In completely different news, my stomach has been much better since I more or less gave up gluten. The really big news though (and I've no idea if this is in any way related to me giving up gluten, probably not), is that I've had my first natural period in over twelve years. It was such a momentous occasion I had to tell my friend at work. A little TMI maybe, but it was exciting. I don't want children at the moment, but I now feel like I might have a chance at having them in the future if we decide we want them. Funnily enough, my period arrived just after I'd made an appointment to go to the doctors to talk about the pill (I 'accidentally' came off it a few months ago, when I ran out without realising). Having had no periods for three years though when was 19-21, this is huge news, so we'll have to see what the doctor says this week.
It's going to be a hell of a week.
Monday 12 January 2015
Carrying on...
Last week kind of improved as it went on. I'm not sure whether it got better, or whether we just felt like the weekend was nearly here! In any case, it wasn't so bad by the end, and my other half's levels of sadness never quite reached the rock bottom levels of last Sunday again. We are waiting for the counselling referral from the doctor for him, and until then just taking each day as it comes, one at a time.
I applied for the job that I liked the look of. Interviews are supposed to be next Monday, so I should know this week whether I've got that far. I'm hoping I hear soon, as I will need to book the day off if I'm going to go. I really hope I at least get an interview - I need hope that I can do something else. In general, I've been feeling okay - at times even like I want to stay in my current job. I really enjoy being with my colleagues. However, today really put an end to that. Nothing bad happened, but I don't enjoy the work and it is sucking out my soul! I need to move on, so after this week I'll be searching for and applying for other jobs. If it turns out it's impractical to go to interviews whilst working, I may get to the point where I just hand in my notice.
It's hard to know what's best.
I applied for the job that I liked the look of. Interviews are supposed to be next Monday, so I should know this week whether I've got that far. I'm hoping I hear soon, as I will need to book the day off if I'm going to go. I really hope I at least get an interview - I need hope that I can do something else. In general, I've been feeling okay - at times even like I want to stay in my current job. I really enjoy being with my colleagues. However, today really put an end to that. Nothing bad happened, but I don't enjoy the work and it is sucking out my soul! I need to move on, so after this week I'll be searching for and applying for other jobs. If it turns out it's impractical to go to interviews whilst working, I may get to the point where I just hand in my notice.
It's hard to know what's best.
Tuesday 6 January 2015
Back to work
Sunday was definitely not a good day for my lovely other half. He was depressed and feeling very low. When I suggested going to the doctors, he didn't protest at all. It was so hard to see him like that. I am doing my best to keep floating, but it's very difficult at times. I was finding it tough to stay positive myself, so I felt like my other half's sadness just pushed me back under. However, I have been okay. I dragged my other half out for a walk and some fresh air, which I think helped a little, as he was okay enough for me to take a little time out to go swimming. That really helped me and relaxed me a bit.
Yesterday was the dreaded return to work, which was of course okay in the end. My lovely other half felt a bit better having gone back and found it to be not as bad as anticipated. The anticipation is usually far worse than the reality of it. That said, it is incredibly stressful and pressurised, so it's not always pleasant being there (we work at the same place, I'm not sure whether I've said that).
Today was not as good as yesterday, and we were both feeling a bit meh at the end of the day. We went to the doctors today for my other half's depression (side note: I was very impressed that I called yesterday morning and got an appointment after office hours today already). He's going to be referred for counselling, which is a good step. It's my OH's birthday today (poor guy having to go to the doctors on his birthday), so we went to ASDA after and bought a film and then ordered a takeaway as a treat. The result is a slightly improved mood, but also an increased resolve to find a new job. In a way, I think that's a good thing.
Tomorrow is another day. I've signed up for a Zumba class tomorrow, so I'm looking forward to letting off some steam there and working up a sweat. After that I have to make a video for a job application. In a weird way, I'm kind of looking forward to it.
Yesterday was the dreaded return to work, which was of course okay in the end. My lovely other half felt a bit better having gone back and found it to be not as bad as anticipated. The anticipation is usually far worse than the reality of it. That said, it is incredibly stressful and pressurised, so it's not always pleasant being there (we work at the same place, I'm not sure whether I've said that).
Today was not as good as yesterday, and we were both feeling a bit meh at the end of the day. We went to the doctors today for my other half's depression (side note: I was very impressed that I called yesterday morning and got an appointment after office hours today already). He's going to be referred for counselling, which is a good step. It's my OH's birthday today (poor guy having to go to the doctors on his birthday), so we went to ASDA after and bought a film and then ordered a takeaway as a treat. The result is a slightly improved mood, but also an increased resolve to find a new job. In a way, I think that's a good thing.
Tomorrow is another day. I've signed up for a Zumba class tomorrow, so I'm looking forward to letting off some steam there and working up a sweat. After that I have to make a video for a job application. In a weird way, I'm kind of looking forward to it.
Sunday 4 January 2015
Assessment #1
I mentioned in my last post that my lovely other half and I would be assessing each day in January, so that at the end of the month we can look back and easily see how we felt throughout the month. This will hopefully then show us whether we need to kickstart some change in our lives.
The first three days of January have been mixed. I have had a niggling sadness, but I have just about managed to overcome it by focussing on the things I enjoy. I've been sewing (and planning some future sewing projects) and went swimming on Friday. However, my other half has been particularly sad, which has been hard for me to cope with as well. Given that I have put quite a lot of effort into keeping myself positive, it's hard to deal with someone else's seemingly perpetual sadness as well. Yesterday afternoon we had a short drive out and took our new camera to take some pictures - I figured that a bit of fresh air and movement might do us both good. Sure enough, it definitely helped, although the sadness set in again soon.
The good thing is that I think he is at the point where he also wants to do something about it. I am also set to do something about it. I've found one job to apply for - I doubt I have much chance, but after speaking to a friend I decided to apply for it, as it means I am truly serious about finding a new job. Unfortunately, I have no idea how much it pays - the job advert just states 'competitive', which I think usually means it isn't high. Money is definitely not everything, and not even my priority, however I need to know that I would be able to pay my mortgage and bills, and save enough that I feel secure. I'm applying anyway though, and I guess we'll just see what happens.
I suppose the summary for the first few days of January is mixed to positive for me - although some of that is due to me thinking that this is going to be the year that I change things, and therefore not caring so much about my current job.
The first three days of January have been mixed. I have had a niggling sadness, but I have just about managed to overcome it by focussing on the things I enjoy. I've been sewing (and planning some future sewing projects) and went swimming on Friday. However, my other half has been particularly sad, which has been hard for me to cope with as well. Given that I have put quite a lot of effort into keeping myself positive, it's hard to deal with someone else's seemingly perpetual sadness as well. Yesterday afternoon we had a short drive out and took our new camera to take some pictures - I figured that a bit of fresh air and movement might do us both good. Sure enough, it definitely helped, although the sadness set in again soon.
The good thing is that I think he is at the point where he also wants to do something about it. I am also set to do something about it. I've found one job to apply for - I doubt I have much chance, but after speaking to a friend I decided to apply for it, as it means I am truly serious about finding a new job. Unfortunately, I have no idea how much it pays - the job advert just states 'competitive', which I think usually means it isn't high. Money is definitely not everything, and not even my priority, however I need to know that I would be able to pay my mortgage and bills, and save enough that I feel secure. I'm applying anyway though, and I guess we'll just see what happens.
I suppose the summary for the first few days of January is mixed to positive for me - although some of that is due to me thinking that this is going to be the year that I change things, and therefore not caring so much about my current job.
Thursday 1 January 2015
New Year...New Me?
Happy new year! I'm going to be honest, right now I don't feel particularly happy, and I suspect that it might have something to do with the fact that 2015 feels very daunting right now (that and it's quite grey and gloomy outside).
I said to my wonderful other half yesterday that I want to make sure that in 2015 I feel less sad than I did in 2014. Don't get me wrong, there were lots of lovely parts of 2014, it's not like I sat in sadness all year. However, there were definitely more sad times than I really wanted to deal with. Unfortunately, knowing that work is often the root of my sadness, dealing with it seems scary. If I do get to the point where I decide that the only way to make myself happier again is to leave my job and do something different, I would be leaving everything I know in the world of work, leaving my fantastic friends and colleagues, and leaving a well-paid job. This terrifies me. I'm confident I would be able to find another job, but I'm not confident I would find something I'd really enjoy as I don't know that I have the experience - I only really have business analyst experience, and I'd like to do something creative. If I did somehow manage to get a job that I thought I would enjoy, I would worry that I wouldn't be any good at it. And what if it didn't work out? What if I couldn't afford to keep up my mortgage payments?
Admittedly, that's the extreme version - who knows, maybe I can just deal with my current work better. But either way, I want to be happier.
Given that my lovely other half also suffers from periodic sadness due to work (we both work at the same place - although we are also both similar in that we worry and stress about things a lot, so I have no idea whether it's really due to the work or whether we'd do that in any job), I have decided that each day in January we are going to rate our happiness/sadness level. At the end of January, we'll look back at the month and see how many days we have felt sad, happy etc and why. That way, we can work out whether we need to be looking to change something, and hopefully work out what.
I'm definitely expecting that we're going to need to change something. However, my lovely other half is just as scared as I am, so it's not going to be easy.
I'm going to try to post my daily 'rating' on here each day so that I have somewhere to track it.
In the meantime, I'm going to try to start doing things I really do love in order to make myself happy. Work shouldn't be all consuming, and I'm going to try to make sure that it isn't. I joined a local gym yesterday, as they have a swimming pool (I had a week's trial there before Christmas) and not only do I enjoy swimming, it normally makes me feel better. We've also just bought ourselves as DSLR as a Christmas/wedding present, so I'm looking forward to using it, trying things out, and hopefully learning to take some good photos. Choir starts again on Monday, and that always gives me a good release, and I can now throw myself into wedding preparations! I have plenty of crafting to get on with, and that usually puts me in a great frame of mind.
Even just writing this has been quite cathartic and has improved my mood. I do have such a lot to be thankful for. Maybe I'll go swimming as well though...
Wishing everyone a happy, and healthy, 2015.
I said to my wonderful other half yesterday that I want to make sure that in 2015 I feel less sad than I did in 2014. Don't get me wrong, there were lots of lovely parts of 2014, it's not like I sat in sadness all year. However, there were definitely more sad times than I really wanted to deal with. Unfortunately, knowing that work is often the root of my sadness, dealing with it seems scary. If I do get to the point where I decide that the only way to make myself happier again is to leave my job and do something different, I would be leaving everything I know in the world of work, leaving my fantastic friends and colleagues, and leaving a well-paid job. This terrifies me. I'm confident I would be able to find another job, but I'm not confident I would find something I'd really enjoy as I don't know that I have the experience - I only really have business analyst experience, and I'd like to do something creative. If I did somehow manage to get a job that I thought I would enjoy, I would worry that I wouldn't be any good at it. And what if it didn't work out? What if I couldn't afford to keep up my mortgage payments?
Admittedly, that's the extreme version - who knows, maybe I can just deal with my current work better. But either way, I want to be happier.
Given that my lovely other half also suffers from periodic sadness due to work (we both work at the same place - although we are also both similar in that we worry and stress about things a lot, so I have no idea whether it's really due to the work or whether we'd do that in any job), I have decided that each day in January we are going to rate our happiness/sadness level. At the end of January, we'll look back at the month and see how many days we have felt sad, happy etc and why. That way, we can work out whether we need to be looking to change something, and hopefully work out what.
I'm definitely expecting that we're going to need to change something. However, my lovely other half is just as scared as I am, so it's not going to be easy.
I'm going to try to post my daily 'rating' on here each day so that I have somewhere to track it.
In the meantime, I'm going to try to start doing things I really do love in order to make myself happy. Work shouldn't be all consuming, and I'm going to try to make sure that it isn't. I joined a local gym yesterday, as they have a swimming pool (I had a week's trial there before Christmas) and not only do I enjoy swimming, it normally makes me feel better. We've also just bought ourselves as DSLR as a Christmas/wedding present, so I'm looking forward to using it, trying things out, and hopefully learning to take some good photos. Choir starts again on Monday, and that always gives me a good release, and I can now throw myself into wedding preparations! I have plenty of crafting to get on with, and that usually puts me in a great frame of mind.
Even just writing this has been quite cathartic and has improved my mood. I do have such a lot to be thankful for. Maybe I'll go swimming as well though...
Wishing everyone a happy, and healthy, 2015.
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