Holiday downtime

The last couple of days have been a bit tougher. All of the things I was preparing at work (over the last few weeks) are being put to the test this week, and that has been on my mind. It's not like I've been sitting obsessing over it at all, but it has been there, just in the back of my mind, popping up every so often and reminding me that it's there. I'm not sure whether my abdominal pain is due to that stress, or due to me eating things that I probably don't tolerate.

Yesterday my mum, brother and I went on a Via Ferrata - it was a little bit terrifying in places to be honest, although once I got going I was okay. We went to the one at Honister Pass in the Lake District. It was really good fun, even if I did keep saying 'I don't like it!' at points. We got there though, and it was well worth it. More details are here.

I was quite calm at this point!

What I realised afterwards though, is that my confidence is shot. I'm not scared of heights at all, yet climbing down staples stuck in a rock face terrified me and I really thought I wouldn't be able to do it. In all honesty, I kind of feel the same about work. It doesn't quite terrify me in the same way, but I constantly wonder whether I'm good enough or just think I'm not. I can never get through everything I need to get through, I often can't tell whether I've done things properly and generally feel like I don't know enough to do my work thoroughly.

I don't know why my confidence is so low. I have never been the most confident person, however I always believed in my own abilities (for example at school and university) - suddenly I no longer do. On the plus side, one of the 'problems' I have with work has been identified and that hopefully means that I can try to do something about it. Over the next week or so I plan to have a search around for resources and see whether there's anything I can try to put into practice.