Work is over from the weekend and it's time to switch off. Theoretically, anyway. Usually at this point on a Friday I am going over all my 'to do' lists in my head and trying to organise myself, working out what I will be doing when and how I'm going to fit it all into the weekend.
Today I have actually taken some time out to not do that. There are a couple of reasons for this: firstly we have Monday off work, so I don't have to cram everything in to two days; and secondly, we're going to stay with my brother-in-law (to be) for the weekend, so I won't be at home to have to do all of the zillions of things on my never-ending 'to do' lists. Going away is definitely good for me, as it means I can't be doing house stuff and it distracts me from work stuff.
Unfortunately, we can't be away on holiday every weekend and so there are a lot of times when I am at home, busily cleaning, tidying, fixing, DIY-ing, gardening etc etc - the list goes on. I am slowly trying to accept that there will ALWAYS be things that need doing, and I will never have enough time to do them all - not if I actually want to have a life as well. So whilst this weekend I can switch off, the next time I have a weekend at home and I'm working through my list, I will be trying to prioritise and considering 'what's the worst that would happen if I don't do this?'. I bet most of the time the answer will be 'nothing'. I mean really, who actually cares whether I have hoovered behind the sofa or cleaned inside the kitchen cupboards? No-one else will. Not that I have ever got round to cleaning inside the kitchen cupboards, it's just on my list.
Sometimes you just have to stop caring. Or at least learn to care a little less. Caring is a good thing, but caring too much can lead to stress. I know for a fact that I care too much about my job and about what other people think about my ability to do my job. I am trying to care a bit less. It doesn't mean that I'll put less effort in or do less work, it just means that I will try to put it into perspective. It is a job. It's a good job, and I want to do it well. I want to be proud of what I do. I want my colleagues to see me as knowledgeable and as a valued member of the company. However, at the end of the day I don't want to be making myself ill in order to do all of that. Again, I am trying to notice when parts of my project are causing me to stress and to ask myself 'what's the worst that could happen if I don't complete that on time/don't get that exactly right/leave that until next week/drop that completely/ask someone else to do that?'. More often than not, the consequence, in the grand scheme of things, is not worth me ruining my health. If there is a really good reason to make sure we get something done, that gets prioritised.
I take a lot of pride in my work, but I am trying to remember that I can't do everything myself either. I need to rely on other people, and that's okay.
When all is said and done, none of my friends are going to think less of me if I my home isn't perfect when they come to stay. Being ill while they're here though just isn't fun. So I'll dust the TV stand (it's black so the dust shows terribly!), make sure the bathroom's clean and that the hallway is hoovered, but if we need to go out for dinner because I haven't had time to plan a meal, do the food shopping and then actually cook, so be it.
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