Why is life so difficult? Every time I think I've conquered something, some sort of occurrence just proves I haven't. Or at least provides something new to be conquered.
I thought I had sussed out my awful stomach aches, yet twice within the last week I've had a grumbly tummy without having eating any gluten. Last weekend we had friends over for board games and I drank wine, ate crisps and chocolate, and had a takeaway (I realise how bad that sounds, and maybe it's no wonder I had stomach ache). I didn't eat any gluten, yet when I went to bed I felt like I had food poisoning. I did not sleep well at all! I got up early and went to sleep on the sofa for a bit which helped, but my stomach still wasn't good. I genuinely think I just went a bit overboard - I mean, that list of 'goodies' above is probably enough to make anyone feel ill. I certainly wouldn't rule out food poisoning either. Due to lack of sleep and feeling bad, I cancelled the kettle bells class I had signed up for, and I still feel it was the best decision. I actually did have quite a nice day once my stomach more or less settled - I did some gardening for the first time in months, made jam, and planted some seeds in the kitchen.
The other time I felt bad was last night. We went out for dinner (reoccurring theme here, eating food I haven't cooked myself...) with a big bunch of friends to Pizza Express, and a good time was had. I had told myself I would have a gluten free pizza and water, and that would be it. This was partly because after the above mentioned games night, I figured I would give up alcohol until our wedding (only another three weeks!). I failed already though. To be fair, I only had one glass of wine, not a heavy night or anything. I just completely lacked any willpower to refuse when everyone else was ordering wine or beer. Driving would have prevented me from drinking, but it was so closed it seemed silly... Anyway, my gluten free pizza was tiny, so I ended up having a brownie for dessert (gluten free). It was really good, and I enjoyed it and didn't in any way regret eating it, but I did have stomach ache later. Luckily it wasn't too bad, the emergency Buscopan saved me and my sleep wasn't too disrupted.
I am starting to think that wine is a large part of the problem, and frankly, that sucks. Going to have to rethink my drinking.
Wedding nerves are starting to kick in. Not about actually getting married or anything, I'm very, very happy about that bit. I'm just nervous about whether people will have a good time, whether I will look okay in my dress, whether the things I've made will look good enough and not like a five-year-old has done them... the list goes on. I went to pick up my dress today and tried it on, and needed help doing it up! It did up, but only just. It's not actually uncomfortable, but if I try to eat anything with it on it might explode. The next three weeks have to be über healthy for me, and given the tales of my lack of willpower above, it's going to be hard work. I have been pretty good today, so we'll see how long it lasts. I also picked up our wedding rings, and had doubts about mine. It's a gorgeous ring, I really do love it. The problem is that my engagement ring is a funny shape - the metal kind of twists around the diamond - so it's a bit curvy. My wedding ring has a slight curve, so it doesn't look totally weird next to my engagement ring, but I didn't want a wedding ring that fitted round the engagement ring, as I want to be able to wear the wedding ring on its own. However, that means that the two rings don't fit together smoothly and I put them on and wasn't sure I liked how they looked. I think I've decided I do actually really like them like that, but it's one of those stupid things that just bugged me. Don't even get me started on how my arms look in proportion to the rest of me in my wedding dress... I haven't really been stressed about the wedding at all, but now that it's actually almost here I am starting to panic a bit. Still, as long as we get married, I'm sure it'll all be fine.
To end the post on a positive note, one thing I am really happy about is that spring is finally showing itself, meaning I can garden again. Gardening is my therapy, and my garden is my joy. Eventually it will be my pride too, but we're working on that - there's a long way to go! Even just weeding for a couple of hours makes me feel so much better. I love being out in the fresh air, making things look pretty, being in nature. It does absolute wonders for the mind, and probably for the body too. The weather has been beautiful today, so fingers crossed we get plenty more like it. I made my other half help me measure the garden yesterday so I can start to actually plan it a bit more. I want to put a vegetable bed in this year and start growing some crops, then if it works, put in a couple more beds next year. My dream is to have a potting shed... I feel so middle aged already!
